he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
