Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
