Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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