jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
