Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize