Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
