i just wanna soil my oats bro
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
