hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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