i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Houston, we have a blender
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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