so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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