and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
