She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
