So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
