I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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