she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You are the jesus of drinking
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
