I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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