you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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