K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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