i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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