How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
