I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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