I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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