WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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