this just has baby written all over it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
