sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
