I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
