I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
