He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.