Texts From Last Night

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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

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  (775): I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again. http://tfl.nu/wdl0
  Replies (10) Good night (1785) Bad night (528)
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  (831): View more from California

  yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd

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  (831): yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd http://tfl.nu/hhxw
  Replies (69) Good night (554) Bad night (4189)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.

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  (717): this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success. http://tfl.nu/z2ja
  Replies (21) Good night (9828) Bad night (1693)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?

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  (407): Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ? http://tfl.nu/brtl
  Replies (10) Good night (4026) Bad night (1227)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.

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  (+44): I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this. http://tfl.nu/p3jk
  Replies (3) Good night (828) Bad night (2344)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.

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  (936): Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/amif
  Replies (15) Good night (7404) Bad night (903)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me

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  (847): as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me http://tfl.nu/nasi
  Replies (23) Good night (6135) Bad night (1697)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.

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  (715): I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers. http://tfl.nu/5ulf
  Replies (3) Good night (2237) Bad night (845)
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  (818): View more from California

  Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.

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  (818): Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed. http://tfl.nu/scsc
  Replies (14) Good night (2178) Bad night (673)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement

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  (270): I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement http://tfl.nu/ql20
  Replies (22) Good night (3179) Bad night (732)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Apparently love is stronger than SoCo

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  (719): Apparently love is stronger than SoCo http://tfl.nu/rcou
  Replies (8) Good night (1130) Bad night (523)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro

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  (731): She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro http://tfl.nu/kq10
  Replies (24) Good night (4185) Bad night (634)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors

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  (860): You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors http://tfl.nu/ik36
  Replies (3) Good night (964) Bad night (338)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.

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  (256): Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101. http://tfl.nu/zhx3
  Replies (5) Good night (443) Bad night (1010)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.

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  (816): He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off. http://tfl.nu/akk3
  Replies (1) Good night (619) Bad night (258)

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