I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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