Tell her she can't have a vagina
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse