In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
