he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
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He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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