I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
