The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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