You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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