He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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