My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The air was thick with penises
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
