he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
