Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
