The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
