I am puke
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
