Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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