Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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