woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Let's paint friendship bongs
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
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