a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
