You're my little dorito
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
