anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
