can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
