I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
