seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
