Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
