Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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