I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
