So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
