Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
