i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
