Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
