Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
