this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
