we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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