Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
