I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
