I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
