he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
