She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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