I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
At least life still wants to fuck me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
