i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
