I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
