im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
