i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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