sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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